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Husavik

by Lisa Cantrell

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1.
We’ll talk about this in the morning when we’re good and sober Laugh about this next year when we're good and older We’ll work next lifetime if we’re somewhat bolder We’ll work when we gotta and shrug our shoulders We stayed up late that night Drinking bottles of red wine I’ve made the same mistake more than once And still you’ve stood by me We’ll laugh about this in the morning when we’re 8 hours older Talk about this next year when we’re good and sober We’ll work next lifetime and we’ll be much bolder We’ll sleep if we can, if we cant, we’ll shrug out shoulders You called me up that evening I showed up at your house Your heavy voice was shaking And your heart was broken You deserve all the good, all the good in the world You deserve every last bit of good in the world I called you up that evening I showed up at your door My heavy heart was breaking So you held it for me. The air was thick and hard to breathe So we moved out to the porch You said this is the moment of your courage You will finally sleep at night I’ve been sleeping at night and dreaming, friend. You do the same. The air out here, it is thick and hard to breathe You can move out to the shore I said this is the moment of your courage You can finally start It's is your long awaited page turn This is your happy ever after all You stood by me when few others would I’ll do the same for you.
2.
Companion 08:25
Please beg me to say. Stop me, hold me, tell me there are things that you've been dying to say. Read between the lines I draw I'll sing between the words you say. We will fall over laughing. Dance me til the sun comes creeping in. Tell me stories of trees in the woods and the Land of M. My sweet lady take my hand. My sweet lady come here lie with me for a while. Sweet lady laugh with me. My dearest companion you knew not your own strength. The coffee and eggs went well with the morning. I saw you that day in your mother's garden. And the bed sheets went well under our sleeping bodies. I saw you that day, sweet Sarah, you were older and wiser. I've been a lover to lovers that I did not love. I've been a friend to a friend that could not be faithful. I've lied. I've been cruel. I have broken a heart. I've felt desperate in love. I've felt madness at night. Dance me til the sun comes creeping in. Tell me stories of trees in the woods and the Land of M. My sweet lady take my hand. My sweet lady come here lie with me for a while. Sweet lady laugh with me. My dearest companion you knew not your own strength. The lines on your face went well with the nightfall. I saw you that day in your living room. And the dinner you made went well with the lighting. I saw you that day as an old man, but not wiser. Is there nothing I could say to make you want me? Because there's nothing you could do to make me love you less. We are all just here keeping each other company, while we all are waiting around to die. My sweet lady take my hand. My sweet lady come here lie with me for a while. Sweet lady laugh with me. My dearest companion you knew not your own strength. I hope you do not mind if I stay here a while. I will watch as you move; I'll memorize your body. Say you dont mind that I wrote you this song. I will hum you the tune while we're busy doing nothing at all.
3.
Husavik 07:31
I was the whale you were the fish when I set sail for Husavik. I was swimming in the open sea, just the waves the tide the sand and me. And I will return when I am good and ready, but I will likely spend my dying days in the bay. But for now I will roll over in my head. I'll make a song about it all. I'll make this all into a song. I'll make us all into a song. Have you ever told so many lies that you believed them yourself? Have you ever felt the crushing weight of the forward lean of time? Have you ever spent a sleepless night in your bed, in your head, mourning the dead? Have you ever said I'm getting out of here? Well, I swear to God I'm getting out of here. "Have you ever felt trapped?" She asked. I said, "Its the story of my life." "Have you ever felt sad?" She asked. I said, "how much time do we have? I could write a book about everything that made me cry that morning at the breakfast table alone." The sheets were drenched in cyanide. The walls were leaking carbon monoxide. I shut his windows thinking, "I'll save him a fortune on his heating bills." But who pays the bills when you are dead on the kitchen floor for a week? I made him his last meal and I watched as he slowly died. I will return one day to my human form. I'll make a song about it all. I'll make this all into a song. I'll make us all into a song. Did she ever tell you so many lies that you could not trust her again? Have you ever felt the crushing weight of betrayal? I have you ever spent a sleepless night in your head, tossing turning in your bed? Have you ever wanted to forgive but not known how to let go? "Have you ever felt alone?" She asked. I said, "Its the story of my life." "Have you ever felt mad?" She asked. I said, "How much time do we have." I could paint a picture, leave it on her doorstep, I don't have to tell her why I'm leaving town. I was the lion, she was the mouse, that last day inside the house. I closed the door to the room, I said, "Sit down, girl, I got a thing or two to say… that this won't hurt would be untrue. It will hurt like hell, just not for you." And then I watched her on the floor as she slowly died. I will return one day to my human form. I'll make a song about it all. I'll make this all into a song. I'll make us all into a song. Have you ever wanted to turn back, turn back, don't you turn back. Have you ever wanted to start again? I'm starting over in the morning. "Have you ever felt alone?" She asked. I said, "Its the story of my young life." "Have you ever felt trapped?" She asked. I said, "My God, how much time do we have?" I could write this song, I'll leave it scrawled on a napkin. You can find it, sing it, you can change it when I'm gone. I was the cricket, you were the bird, a funny mismatched pair we were. I made a chair into a ship then I set sail for Husavik. And I likely wont return though I said I would. I finally found where I can breathe and live, try to forgive you. I'll likely spend my dying days in the bay, the bay, the bay! I won't return a day to my human form. I'll teach the whales and birds a song. I'll teach them all how to sing. I'll teach the birds and whales a song.
4.
Said the squirrel to the man through the window, "What's it like on the other side? Does it tingle when you laugh? What does it feel like to have a human wife, a garden, and a child? Does it burn when you fall in love? Does it hurt when water drips from the corner of those eyes? What is like to mess up and then to feel forgiveness? What's it like to be cruel and to know how to lie?" Well I guess it goes like this: you take it as it comes and you take what you can get, bearing the weight of all the air of the lives that came before yours, your body makes body shapes and you move. Said the man through the window to the dragonfly, "I'd like to fly a day in those shoes, know what it's like to not feel shame, what its like to have the earth as your garden and to not have a name. Does it burn when the sun hits your back? Does it tingle when those wings fly? What's it like to never grieve, to never worry? What's it like to not be cruel and to never have cried?" Well I guess it goes like this: you take it as it comes and you take what you can get, bearing the weight of all the air of the lives that came before yours, your body makes body shapes and you move. We are ashes to ashes; we are stardust to dust. We are all in separate boats on the same sea.
5.
Enjoy (live) 05:10
Judy asked me if my grandma was dying. I said "aren't we all?" Aren't we all? Because it is all over the moment you are born your fate is sealed before you ever start. And we are all heading in the same direction. None of us are getting out of here alive. So you can step heavy, sing loudly, enjoy. I bet he'd say that he don't regret a thing-- not his marriage, not his children, not the mills. What a man, what a life, what a way to spend your 80 years in this place. But he ain't no different. He's heading in the same direction. He wont make it out of here alive. You see it was all over the moment he was born. His lots were casts before he ever had a chance. So you can step heavy, sing loudly, Papa, enjoy. Some day my baby will ask me, "Mama, are you dying?" I'll say, "We all are, my baby, my sweetie, we all are. You see, it was all over the moment I was born. I knew this would happen before we ever met. And if there's one sure thing I can promise you it's that we wont make it out of here alive. So you can step heavy, sing loudly. Don't apologize for the things you did not do. Button, unbutton, and do it happy happy because you've got nothing here to lose." We are heading in the same direction. We are all the same. Enjoy.
6.
Hold me say this won’t last. Call my name and bring me back. I had a habit of keeping things I never wanted tucked away in tiny spaces like the skin behind my ears or the lovers in cuticles, obsessions in strands of hair, or acts of possession in the creases of my eyelids. Nightmares fill the dark space between my mouth and the wall where my breath breached the sweet air between my lips and your neck. Shapes change the air turns warm and the water winds to a line on the wall. Faces change and chisel air between clean clothes and the doorframe. Forget I ever called to say I love you forget I ever flew 600 miles to taste your skin wake up beside you, forget you ever loved me back. We live in the spaces between our happiness, counting the days between our lips and our necks. I’ll drink a toast to the sound of hammocks brushing dirt on a mountain in Chiapas in a city where I left you. I was afraid of my thoughts, of my mistakes, now I’m afraid to sleep, afraid to wake. Twisting torso tasting air of things that were never mind to keep. We drove for miles, we drove for days, your hands were mine and we were rain, but nothing lasts, nothing good or bad ever lasts. I had a habit of convincing you to convince me you loved me. You had a habit of drawing me back against my better judgment. We confuse happiness for evasion of tiny miseries, sleeping with comforts that do not let us sleep. I’ll drink a toast to the sound of a thousand tongues singing whispering morning on me. We’ll raise our glasses to the sound of fading memories of tangled sheets and lips and necks on a winding road to free(dom).
7.
Like my shoes my soul is worn. Like my dress my hymn is torn. Stumble back fall out of grace. I gave up hope of saving face. And religion is just a game like hiding seek with birthing pains. Doubts line my closet walls while memories of you carpet these halls. Ghosts of my past, they lie just behind closed doors. Demons I created, they lie just beneath these floors. Nothing is pure. Why is she surprised that nothing is grand? At least not anymore in this hollow place inside her chest. Like the peaceful quiet of her unrest. But Anna, she plays her harp sweetly. It's gentle like these memories. Hearing laughter run to find its only echos in my mind. Hallway lights and ceiling fans, summer days in Papa's van. And nothing is simple anymore. Disbelief hangs on my wall; my heart, it is breaking in the hall. Sweet ghosts remind me what my life in turn now lacks. Demons under my floors reach up between these cracks. Nothing is pure. Why are we surprised that nothing is grand? At least not anymore in this hollow place inside our chest. Like the peaceful quiet of our unrest. Here we go again, you tie your tie and then we begin. I am tired of wanting. Like painting canvas in my mind, like forming air, I'm going blind. Waiting in the pew for bells to ring, the choir stands, they softly sing: Bind us together, Lord, bind us together. With chords that cannot be broken. And being good, its just a game. Blessed peace, there's no such thing. And I am tired of wanting. But Anna, she plays her heart sweetly. Its gentle like these memories.
8.
Maca's Song 05:12
9.
Marching Men 03:50
10.
Blue Whales 06:17

credits

released November 6, 2013

Recorded by Eric Day at Sleepwalk Recording, Bloomington, Indiana, USA.

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Lisa Cantrell Bloomington, Indiana

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